Return to Whole 30, Day 14: The Rankings

I’m at a loss as to what to write about today. So, let me just do a bunch of listicles about this diet.

Give me a break, I write for a living all day. I’m grasping at straws by 5. See? I even used a cliche there.

Alright, here goes:

WHOLE 30 MEALS, RANKED

1. Breakfast. I can have bacon.
2. Dinner. It’s after work, so I can prepare a little bit more and sit down and maybe even read my “New Yorker.”
3. Lunch. Usually scattershot. Leftovers of whatever I prepared before. Plus, I’m always smack-dab in some work stuff.
4. Snacks, various. Boring and unfulfilling. That’s why you have to have bigger meals at normal times. Snacking sucks.

DAYS OF THE WEEK DURING THE PANDEMIC, RANKED

1. Thursday. Hot take. But you’re in kind of a rhythm for the week then. Things are flowing. Oh, Friday’s tomorrow, so it still SEEMS like the week’s ending. That’s a clear #1 for me.
2. Sunday. At least until The Last Dance ends.
3. Tuesday. Monday’s gone, and you’re kind of into the week. That’s the make-or-break day that decides what everything’s going to be like for the others. Productive or blah? Depressing or … well, maintaining? A pivotal day.
4. Wednesday. Just kind of there.
5. Monday. Oh, wow. Another week of this shit.
6. Saturday. At least there’s no work. But it’s all just hollow after that, isn’t it? It’s a cake without frosting.
7. Friday. Oh, wow. It’s 5:00. Time to … sit around. Fuck Fridays. Fridays under quarantine suck. Bottom of the barrel.

TOP FIVE RANDOM FOODS I MISS UNDER WHOLE 30

1. MY Breakfast sandwiches. WITH KETCHUP, the way they should get made, goddamn it.
2. Tacos. Real tacos, with those cheap-ass corn shells from Old El Paso. Gimme them.
3. American cheese. Give me a whole giant pile of it, Homer Simpson style.
4. Jax. The greatest of all the cheese curls. I’ve said it.
5. Burger King onion rings. I know how bad they are. But that’s what makes them so good.

WHOLE 30 MEALS I MAKE, RANKED

1. My chicken fingers with almond flour. They’re the best things ever. I should open up a store.
2. Home fries! Potatoes tossed together with some avocado oil, onions, peppers, garlic, paprika, cayenne, lemon pepper, salt, regular pepper, thyme, and whatever other spices I have. Then pan-fried with sausage and egg. That’s a sweet breakfast, goddamn it.
3. Ground sirloin with onions, peppers, and spices. Pretty straightforward. Honestly, those are the three pillars of just about any meal on this.

Okay, I’m out of listicle shit. Tomorrow’s day 15! I’m nearly halfway there. Maybe I’ll actually put in some effort tomorrow…